The past year or so has been a rough one. Some of it was health, some of it the ongoing battle between the old and new man. All of it humbling. The past few days I’ve been reflecting on what I value in life and what in turn makes life valuable. In Sunday school this past weekend I was impressed by a few phrase’s Paul spoke to the church in Philipi.

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

While I’ve not battled life threatening illnesses I have had a rough run of things, this coupled with ignoble tensions with some friends had me at times question whether this life was worth living. This never trended toward suicidal thoughts, but it did fuel a “woe is me” attitude and had me longing to be “done with this world” enough times to make Paul’s letter resonate with me.

What I find inspiring in this passage of Paul’s is while he is in a really horrid situation (imprisoned for his beliefs) his thoughts weigh the passion/desire to be reunited with his savior. Paul here shows his heart and his anguish over this life. In the past few years he’s seen to the execution of people, been struck blind and been made whole. Then going on to be shipwrecked, bitten by a poisonous snake, repeatedly beaten by mobs and imprisoned. He has a point when he ” desire(s) to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.”

Paul does not stay there. He is convinced that while he’d rather be in glory with his Lord it is better to remain as an example and testimony to the believers there in Philipi. Specifically he thinks of  individuals. He has seen the Holy Spirit at work in them and he wants to continue with them in their “progress and joy in the faith.” I love this. I am so not there yet – but I love it.